


“We really shouldn’t have done this,”

by Cockbite (personalized_radio)



Series: Assassinations and Feelings [1]
Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Assassinations and feelings, But Mostly Hurt, Fake Chop Au, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, NovaHD - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:39:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10907973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/personalized_radio/pseuds/Cockbite
Summary: Aleks took a quick glance at the wound left behind after a bullet had glanced off his left arm, lifting the wad of James’ jacket just long enough to take in all the blood, and then hissed at what he saw.Maybe more than a glancing bullet, then.





	“We really shouldn’t have done this,”

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me at [on Tumblr](https://cockbite.tumblr.com/) if you'd like! I post fake/gta!au stuff :)

“We really shouldn’t have done this,”

Aleks took a quick glance at the wound left behind after a bullet had glanced off his left arm, lifting the wad of James’ jacket just long enough to take in all the blood, and then hissed at what he saw.

Maybe more than a glancing bullet, then.

“Shut up,” James snapped, firing blindly around the corner of the doorway a few times and then peaking - just barely rocking back on his heels to avoid a bullet nearly taking his brains out, “Don’t even start, Aleks,”  
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Aleks rolled his eyes and then focused his vision on a lockbox in the wall across from him, tried to decide if his vision was going blurry or if the world had just dropped a few resolutions due to a bad connection, “Should I just stop? Should I just stop talking about what a  _fucking mess_  we’re in?”

“Can you? Can you do that for me?”

“Fuck you,” Aleks groaned and tried to climb to his feet, only for an iron grip on his shoulder to stop him. He glanced up, saw the icy look in James’ eye, and stayed sitting. He didn’t say anything for a while after that, just tilted his head back and closed his eyes, tried not to think about the warmth and the pain slowly beginning to seep in through the shock and adrenaline.

“Fuck, we shouldn’t have done this,” James took the shot and then the chance to reach for the vault door and swing it closed - initiating the lock with calm, practiced fingers. This part, at least, had been part of the plan. The wound Aleks may or may not have been bleeding out from? Not so much part of the plan.

“Now we wait?” He asked, and James nodded instead of answering.

Aron and Trevor would be working on keeping the door locked while Asher and Anna came in from the ceiling - which would open their escape route. Until then, James got to work filling the duffels while Aleks pressed harder on his arm in an attempt to clot the wound up a little. His head was beginning to ache, a dull pounding in every part of his brain, and he closed his eyes to the bright of the room. If he weren’t so focused on regulating his breathing and trying to control the blood loss, he would have at least attempted to kick the body of the guard that had tagged him before he’d been able to take him out.

“Fuck, I left my gun out there,” He said, breaking the quiet of the room - if for no other reason than to fill the silence.

“Idiot,” James scoffed, but it didn’t hold the usual laid-back attitude. James was tense.

Aleks opened his eyes to see that the duffels had been filled and James had moved on to busting open lockboxes. They had maybe fifteen minutes before two-thirds of the A-Team broke the ceiling open and James wasn’t even through with the first line. Aleks started to heave himself up, make himself useful at least, but James stopped what he was doing to give him another icy glare.

“I can’t just sit here,” Aleks shrugged and then had to bite his tongue to avoid yelling out at the sharp pain that rocketed up his arm.

“You’re going to bleed out all over the money, jackass,” James grumbled, turned back to the lockboxes, “Just stay there.”  
“Hey, fuck you,” Aleks sneered at him, but he still slowly slid back down the wall so he was sitting again, cradling his arm close and going back to counting between breathes.

When, five minutes later, he forgot what number came after four, he knew something was wrong.  
“James,” He said, or tried to, but his tongue wasn’t responding quite right. He slurred something close enough out, though, because he heard James leave the lockboxes behind to approach.

“Aleksandr,” James said, voice joking, “You ain’t lookin’ so hot,”  
“What comes after four, man?” He found himself asking instead of, “Am I dying, dude?”

“Five,” James answered promptly, and then knelt in front of him and reached for the jacket to take a look. Anyone else, and Aleks may have tried to fight back, may have tried to hide exactly just how fucked it was - but it wasn’t anyone else. It was just James, and Aleks had done a lot more than put his life in James’ hands before, so he let him pull the jacket away to reveal the bullet wound.  
“ _Fuck_ ,” James muttered, quiet enough that Aleks didn’t think he’d planned on saying it.

“Looks like a candy cane,” Aleks commented, the crimson having soaked into his white sleeve, staining it from the upper arm to his wrist, where the thicker material of the cuff was absorbing what blood had managed to drip down so far.

“Oh my  _god_ ,” James shook his head, “If you die, I’m taking your set up,”  
“Leave my set up alone,” Aleks batted at him with his not-destroyed arm, mostly missing but managing a single good slap to the forehead for his troubles before James grabbed his wrist and pinned it down.

“Then you can’t die, can you?” James teased, but the crinkles in the corner of his eyes gave away that he was genuinely worried.

“Me?” Aleks smirked, “Taken out by a flesh wound like this?”  
“Aleks, you got fuckin’ glanced and you’re bleeding out in the middle of a high security bank vault.”

“How do you know this?” Aleks shook James’ hand off his good wrist and pointed awkwardly over his shoulder, “Go do your job.”

“Taking care of you  _is_  my job,” James shook his head but he did stand up to go back to breaking into lockboxes. From above, a faint buzzing began to imminent; Asher and Anna finally breaking through the second story, most likely. Lindsey’s bombs would have cleared out any threats from above and Trevor would have focused his efforts on keeping those parts of the building locked down while Aron focused on the main vault that he and James were in; they just had to wait a little longer and trust their fuck up of a crew to get them out of here.

“I vote we send Brett in next time,” He decided thoughtfully, his eyes on the ceiling while he waited. James was getting his ass in gear, barely half way through the lockboxes without Aleks pulling his weight.

“He’d probably take a bullet better than you,” James mused, dumping a box of jewelry into one of the duffels and tossing it to the floor before moving on to the next. He’d left a few in their respective holes - probably full of sentimental bullshit that had tugged at James’ heartstrings but wouldn’t have stopped Aleks at all.

“Shut up,” Aleks hissed, adjusting his position to better support his arm, a little elevated because he was pretty sure he’d heard that you were supposed to elevate wounds or something somewhere, “Remember that time you busted your ass on some stairs and made me carry you out of the building?”

“That didn’t happen,” James said firmly, like Aleks was just making it up. Aleks barked out a laugh, stretching his legs out in front of him. His foot brushed the guard’s body and he took his chance to nudge it as angrily as he could from so far away.  _Fucker_.

“And if it had happened,” James tossed another empty box aside and moved on to the next, “I’m about to repay the favor, asshole. You think Anna is gonna carry you and all this shit?”

“No one is gonna carry me,” Aleks rolled his eyes and then warned, “Move to the left, by the way.”  
James did it without question, barely glancing up from the box he was working on when a piece of the roof fell through, followed by Asher’s dusty, upside down, face

“Hey guys,” James called, “Get down here. Aleks got shot.”  
“Shit,” Asher shifted back through the hole and then Anna was dropping in easily, medical box in hand, and moving to Aleks’ side.  
“We don’t have time,” Aleks shook his head, pushing her away when she tried to take the jacket anyway, “Asher, make sure the way out is secure. Anna, go help James.”  
“And you?” James hadn’t stopped going through lockboxes, finished with one wall and nearly finished with the second. They had only been running Fake Chop for less than a year, but this wasn’t anyone’s first rodeo - this wasn’t even the first time Aleks had been shot. He’d be fine.  
“Asher, help me up,” He decided, letting Anna steady him, “I’ll get out of the way so you aren’t distracted.”  
“Distracted? By you? Please,”  
“Ha,” Aleks shot him the bird and then moved to the hole in the ceiling, where Asher was waiting.

“I’m gonna tie the rope around you,” Anna said, already expertly creating a makeshift harness to help Aleks up, “Asher, you pull. This is gonna be kinda bumpy, Aleks.”  
“This is ridiculous, that’s what this is,” James grumbled, “Brett ain’t allowed to plan an escape again. No one can even  _climb_  these ropes aside from you two!”

“Yeah, but think of the headlines,” Aleks pointed out, “ _Fake Chop escapes through intricate rope harnesses_ , more tonight at eleven.”

“We better get the eight o’clock news for this bullshit,” James threw a watch at him - plated with fake gold and ultimately worthless in comparison to what they’d already collected.

“Anything for you, baby,” Aleks blew him a kiss and then Asher was hefting and Aleks was going up.

And then Aleks was going up but fucking  _upside down_.

“Woah!” He shrieked, at exactly the same time James did, dropping James’ jacket so he could grab at the rope for stability. Blazing pain ripping through the wound in his arm but he found himself clinging to the rope tied around his waist and groin, like it was going to hold him up even more than it somehow already was.

“Hold on!” Asher grunted and Anna was steading his shoulders, protecting his head from hitting the ground.

“It’s okay, I told you it was gonna be a little bumpy.” She assured him, holding him up as he was hefted into the air through the power of Asher’s arms alone. “You’ll be up in a few seconds. Asher, hurry it up!”

“Fuck you!” Asher yelled back, but Aleks did start to inch up, slowly and carefully. Anna was slighter than Aleks, but Asher was used to hauling her around in similar ways when they were stealthing around so Aleks wasn’t particularly worried about being dropped. Still, he didn’t let go, even if he was reassured.

A few seconds later, Anna switched places with James when he got too high up for her to continue supporting him.

“You okay?” James used his own shirt to wipe at Aleks’ face in a rare moment of concern, the cotton coming away stained with sweat. He was sweating, his head  _hurt_ , and his whole body - hips, arms, legs, core - ached.

“I don’t wanna do the ropes again,” He grunted, and James laughed, shooting a look to Anna - turned away and making quick work of the remaining wall - before he stooped up to press a quick, teasing kiss to Aleks’ lips, sending him flailing hard enough that he started to swing and Asher yelled a curse at him for nearly making him lose his grip on the rope.

“Hey!” He yelped, “James, what the fuck!?”

Anna, long used to their shenanigans, hadn’t even turned around at his sound of shock.

“It was like the Spiderman scene,” James shrugged, “I’ve always wanted to do that.”  
“You’re an ass,” Aleks frowned, or tried to, but he was too flustered - the kiss and hanging upside down and being fucking  _shot_ , “I’m  _injured_ ,”  
“Get me back next time,” James grinned, and Aleks was too high up to do it but he  _wanted_  to. He chalked the urge up to the aforementioned factors and just gave James another bird before Asher was pulling him through the hole in the ceiling and he was more focused on avoiding catching his wound on any of the exposed pieces of ceiling.

It was awkward, being lifted upside down and out of the hole; Asher first situating his legs so he could use his own core strength to hold himself while Asher let go of the rope to grab his good hand and lift him the rest of the way. The hole was just wide enough that Aleks was able to sit up, if he hunched and didn’t mind scraping his head a little. But, finally, he was upright again and out of the room. Worse for wear, to be sure, and unsteady as fuck - but alive.

“Up the stairs,” Asher pointed after he’d helped Aleks out of Anna’s rope ties, “Brett’s got a heli on the roof.”  
“James isn’t gonna like that,” He said, like he hadn’t been making fun of James during the meeting when Brett had come up with this stupid plan.

“Tough shit, huh?” Asher offered helpfully and Aleks cracked a smile, slapping him on the back before he started to stagger his way to the stairwell.

He had to break halfway up the first flight.

He was seeing, not quite double, but fuzzy enough that he’d missed a step and almost gone down. Aleks was a lot of things, but stupid wasn’t one of them when they were out in the field. Gunless, blurry vision, and achy enough that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to pass out or throw up more, he knew he was gonna have to bite the bullet - just, hopefully, not literally - and wait for help. There was no way he was making it up these fucking stairs without crawling at this point.

He heard the others bustle into the stairwell a few minutes - or maybe longer, he wasn’t quite sure if he’d managed to stay conscious the whole time he was waiting - later and forced his eyes open to make sure it was his crew and not some randos that had made it in.

It was, luckily, his crew. James was weighed down with a duffle, Asher with two more, and Anna with the equipment that she and Asher had been using to break holes in the ceilings. There had been two holes above the one leading into the vault, Aleks remembered, the original way that they had entered the building and a long rope dangling through all of them and to the ground floor. None of them would be using it to actually escape, but it was gonna be a cool rumor when the reporters saw it, especially if the harness Aleks had worn was still tied in.

“Aleks,” Anna frowned, worried, “You, uh, kinda look dead.”

“Feel it,” Aleks said honestly, “I couldn’t make it up. I’m pretty sure I’m dying.”  
“Don’t be so dramatic,” James rolled his eyes but he pulled his duffle off and handed it to Asher, who awkwardly tossed it over his shoulders and hunched over to carry the weight. They’d managed to get a lot of dough, Aleks knew, so it must have been heavy.

And, between that thought and the next, he was suddenly on his feet and nearly completely off the ground. His head was fuzzy enough that it took him longer than it really should have for him to figure out that James had just practically slung him over his shoulder.

“You can’t just,” He started, and then a wave of dizziness hit so hard he nearly puked right then and there.

“Shut  _up_ , Aleks,” James said sternly, but his touch gentled when Aleks nearly toppled right over again, wrapping an arm around his waist and using his grip on Aleks’ good wrist to make sure his arm was secured around his neck. “Just walk with me and try not to hurl on the fuckin’ stairs, fucker.”

“I hate you,” Aleks slurred, but he found himself slumping against James’ side, hazily making his way up the stairs to the next landing. By the time they reached the roof door, he was exhausted - out of breath and so close to throwing up that he actually had to pull away from James to collapse against the wall, bend over and try his hardest not to vomit onto the concrete.

“James,” He started, “I don’t think,” but he didn’t quite know what he wasn’t thinking.

“We’re almost out of here,” James promised, and his voice hadn’t lost its usual teasing edge - but Aleks could tell it was fake. “Come on, Aleksandr, don’t be a pussy. Let’s get out of here.”

He nodded, the loud whirring of the heli blades starting up as James helped him stand back up and turn to face where the noise was coming from. Brett and Lindsey were in the pilot and co-pilot chairs and Asher and Anna had found their way into the back and, while Asher secured the goods, Anna was prepping the medical kit she’d originally tried to use for Aleks’ wound.

“Your jacket,” He suddenly remembered, “I left it,”

“We got it,” James assured him as they made their way over, “Don’t worry about it,”  
“Shit,” He shook his head, slow, “Sorry, man, sorry,”

“It’s fine,” James helped him duck into the heli and followed him, slamming the door shut behind them and then Aleks was being laid on the floor with Anna at his side and James saying something to Brett and Lindsey and then Aleks was out like a light.

-

He woke up to the familiar scent of Anna’s medical room. Being a part of the crew that he was a part of, this room wasn’t a new sight to wake up to.

It was almost comforting, in a way. If he was here, it meant he wasn’t dead.

He closed his eyes again, the lights too bright for his oversensitive pupils at the moment, and took stock of himself.

There was a needle in his arm, he realized. The injection site was…cold, almost. He could tell that something was being pumped into his system, but not what. His head was heavy, his mouth cottony, and his body ached pretty bad; All in all, it wasn’t the worst way he’d woken up in his life. He’d been better, but he’d been far, far worse, too.

A soft snore caught his attention, coming from the small couch in the corner that Anna kept for when someone needed overnight observation and Aleks opened his eyes, slowly, to see who it was.

James, his legs thrown over the leg of the couch and his head cushioned on an uncomfortable looking throw pillow, slept on - snoring just loudly enough that Aleks had heard him. His eyes, when Aleks narrowed his own to focus, looked almost bruised and his face fatigued.

His own body, when he looked himself over, hadn’t escaped the beating, either. Bright white bandages wrapped around his left arm, starting near the shoulder and ending just above the start of his forearm and the needle he’d felt earlier was tucked into his right inner elbow - connected to a bag of  _something_  that Aleks couldn’t make out. The bags Anna used weren’t see-through, and the text was too small for Aleks to even attempt to read at the moment, so he was forced to assume the worst and believe that Anna was slowly replacing all of his blood with lead for how heavy his body felt.

Still, even feeling so fucking horrible, he was dragged back into sleep with barely a struggle.

-

The next time he woke up, it was for real.

The needle was gone, and so was James - replaced with Trevor, who set at the small table in the opposite corner to the couch, typing away at something that could have been important or could have been his latest edit of Aron’s head on a muscular white dude’s pecs.

“Hey,” He tried to say, only to cough instead. His throat was  _dry as fuck_.

Trevor didn’t immediately jump up from the table, finishing up whatever he was working on for a few seconds before he did finally move to Aleks’ side, bringing a bottle of water with him.

Aleks took it with a nod and then downed the whole thing.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to do that,” Trevor commented blandly, accepting the empty bottle when Aleks was done with it and tossing it into the trash can under the table.  
“Fuck off,” Aleks carefully reached up with his good arm and rubbed the grime from his eyes, “What the fuck happened?”

“You passed out like a pussy,” Trevor informed him.

“Who told you this?” Aleks scoffed, “I’m pretty sure I just decided to take a nap and they knocked my ass out.”

“Sure,” Trevor cracked a grin and Aleks found himself grinning back, “But, for real, you passed out in the heli. James flipped his lid, but Anna had you under control. You needed a few liters of blood or whatever she put in you, I think.”  
“Am I gonna live, doc?” Aleks joked, rubbing his face with his hand, “Give it to me straight,”  
“You’re dying,” Trevor shrugged, “Sorry, son.”

“Shit,” Aleks shook his head, “Tell my girl I love her,”

“What, James?” Trevor smirked and Aleks flushed, reaching out to smack at him until Trevor laughed and put his hands up in defeat, “He does want to talk to you, though.”  
“Was he here…earlier? How long has it been?”

“You slept all day yesterday,” Trevor shrugged, “So maybe two days? Your body wasn’t happy, let’s just go with that. And James was here for most of it, actually. He ducked out to get some food and shit though, Brett’s orders.”

“What a mom,” Aleks shook his head and then stopped because that gave him a headache. “When can I get outta here?”  
“You’ll have to ask Anna,” Trevor glanced at his watch, “Speaking of, she said if you were awake longer than a few minutes then I needed to call her so I’m gonna do that.”

Aleks waved him off, laid back down while Trevor dug his phone out to call Anna. His closed his eyes, for just a second, only to open them to new people in the room.

“You’re awake again,” Anna smiled, her hair tied up high so it was out of her face. James stood behind her, arms crossed and frowning. Trevor was nowhere to be seen.

“Sorry, I keep falling asleep,” He blinked a few times, “I dunno why I’m so fuckin’ tired if I’ve slept for two days.”

“Because you almost died?” James offered, his voice teasing but something about it just off enough that Aleks knew something was wrong.

“Maybe that’s it,” Aleks dragged his eyes away from James and let Anna poke and prod him until she was content.

“You won’t be doing any heavy lifting with that arm,” She tapped his injured arm, fingers light and careful, “Not for a few weeks, at least. The bullet bit deep, but wasn’t embedded, and it didn’t nick anything super important so you’re pretty lucky. Try not to get shot again, though.”

“I’ll try,” Aleks nodded, “Can I leave now?”  
“Fuck no,” She laughed, “You’re staying at least one more night. The blood we used doesn’t seem to have had any negative effects, but I want to watch you for the full forty-eight so you’re stuck with me until at least midnight.”

Aleks, who had never won a single fight with Anna that he’d ever been in, didn’t argue.

“James,” Anna shot James a glance over her shoulder, “If you’re gonna be here, make sure he doesn’t try to sneak out. I’ve got your knives and I’m holding them hostage, mister.”

Aleks groaned and flopped back into the bed, hiding a wince at the rough treatment of his arm.

“You’re the literal worst, Anna.”

“You’re welcome for saving your life, Aleks!” She said cheerfully, patting his arm again before leaving the room easily.

“She doesn’t have my knives,” Aleks said with confidence once she’d disappeared, looking at James, “Does she?”  
“Prob’ly not,” James shrugged, sitting on the couch loosely, “How’re you feeling?”  
“Fine, mostly,” Aleks frowned, “Tired…really tired. Kind of achy? I think my whole pelvis is bruised to shit after that harness bullshit.”

James laughed, loud and heavy, and Aleks found his muscles relaxing. He was safe, he knew - but it almost hadn’t felt like it until James had started laughing again.

“Anna did her best, but she isn’t known for her mastery of shibari.”  
“That’d be cool,” Aleks said thoughtfully, “She could like…tie her way out of any situation.”

“It’s not good enough that she and Asher are both Black Widow? You want her to also be a master ropeswoman, too?”

“Think of how it could help the crew, Nova,” Aleks yawned, “For the sake of Fake Chop, you gotta pay for Anna to become a master of shibari.”

“Nova,” James huffed, his laughter dying out, his voice going quieter, “That’s a name I haven’t heard from you in a while.”  
Aleks blinked and then thought about it, “Huh, I guess not. You were with me the last time I got shot, too. We were still Nova and Immortal, then.”

“I was,” James tilted his head back so he was resting his head on the couch and Aleks tried hard not to stare at the line of his throat, the profile of his face when his eyes were closed and he wouldn’t notice. The fucking Spiderman kiss, Aleks wanting to find some reason to kiss him  _back_  - that wasn’t normal. That wasn’t what they were. They were dark nights, when the rest of the crew was asleep and Aleks was just a little too drunk to think straight and James was just a little too desperate to escape the thoughts going on in his head; they were secret meetings every few weeks, sometimes months, when things got to be too much; they were a lot of  _could-be_ ’s and  _can’t-say_ ’s and  _if-only_ ’s. They weren’t…this. Had never been this.

So, he tried to keep his eyes off and instead found himself staring at the ceiling. Anna and Asher wouldn’t be tunneling in through that anytime soon, hopefully, and there weren’t many cracks to stare at so he made due with tracing the pattern of the paint, the designs that weren’t really designs so much as just how the drywall had dried.

“You got shot for the same reason last time,” James broke the quiet. He hadn’t moved to look at Aleks again, though, so Aleks didn’t move, either.

“I was slow,” He grumbled, not wanting to think about it, “I’ll work on my times.”

“That isn’t why you got shot, Aleks.” James said, and Aleks found himself closing his eyes in the hopes of somehow falling asleep in the middle of the conversation.

“Dunno what you mean.”  
“You got shot protecting me,” James continued, so matter-of-factly that Aleks couldn’t deny it.

“James,”

“Stop,” James interrupted, “You could have died, dude. You almost did in the heli.”

“It happens,” Aleks argued, moving to sit up. He felt too vulnerable laying down - vulnerable was never a good thing when you were alone with James, especially not when he was like this. Volatile was a good word for it - upset and amused in equal measure. James cared about people, deeply and loyally and without hesitation, but he was also vicious when he was angry or unhappy and Aleks had never been on James’ bad side when he snapped like that but he’d seen it - their break from the Hub, for one - and he had no desire to be laying down if it happened.

“ _It happens_ ,” James still didn’t look at him, his arms stretched out across the top of the couch, his body loose and comfortable - but Aleks could see the hidden tension in the relaxed position. “Aleks, do you know how much money I’ve sunk into this crew?”

“Um,” Aleks hesitated, thrown by the sudden shift.

“How much time I’ve invested? How much work I’ve put into this,” He waved his hand carelessly, just a small movement that encapsulated all of it; convincing Aleks to stay at the Hub, only to then tell him they were leaving, investing his personal finances, countless nights spent together building their crew, calling in favors, setting up shop and connections, proving themselves to the Cockbite Syndicate, to the whole underground world that they were still strong even if they’d left the Hub. It had been a risk, the biggest either of them had ever taken, and it had paid off, so far.

“A lot?” Aleks offered, unsure of where James was going.

“Exactly,” James finally looked back at him, face serious, “A fucking  _lot_. And do you know  _why_?”

“Because you wanted to start a crew?” Aleks raised an eyebrow, “James -”

“Because I wanted to start a crew with  _you_ , asshole!” James broke in sharply, pointing at him threateningly. “I wanted to start a crew with  _you_ , and you’re going to make all of this for  _nothing_  if you die for no reason, do you get it?”

“It wasn’t  _no reason_ ,” Aleks’ defenses rose, “He had a gun on you, James!”  
“It doesn’t matter,” James stood up, “You’re the one who got shot, you’re the one in the fuckin’ bed with two liters of someone else’s blood in you -”

“I wasn’t going to let him shoot you!” Aleks started over him, “If you think for one second -”

“What would this crew do if you went and got yourself fuckin’ killed, man -”  
“We’re in an illegal gang and regularly participate in warfare, James, we’re all at risk here -”

“Risk is one thing, but purposefully putting yourself in front of a gun -”  
“In front of - he was going to  _shoot you_ -”

“ _Then let him_  -”  
“Over my dead body!” Aleks snapped, loud enough that the argument went silent.

“Over my dead body, you fuck,” Aleks repeated and, usually, he knew that what he was saying would fluster him, make him self-conscious, unsure - but he was angry, now. Angry and unwilling to give in, not on this; “You wanted to start a crew with me? Did you ever think for one goddamn second that maybe I wanted to start a crew with  _you_ , too? What would I do if you  _died_?”

“Aleksandr,” James started, his voice lifting on the latter half of his name, the way he said it when he was angry but Aleks didn’t let him take over the conversation.

“If someone has a gun on you,  _of course_  I’m going to get in the way. We’re partners, that’s what I’m  _there_  for,”  
“Why!?” James glared at him, “ _Why_  would you do that for me? This isn’t even the first time, you can’t keep getting hurt like this for me, Aleks, what in the  _fuck_ possesses you to do this!?”

“You’re really going to make me say it?” Aleks asked, before he could stop himself. Bitter, he might describe the question. Bitter and self-conscious.

He knew why he’d done it - before and now, and surely again in the future.

He knew  _James_  knew why.

“Isn’t it enough that you had to carry me up the stairs like I’m Princess Goddamn Peach?” He rubbed his face, suddenly  _exhausted_  all over again, “And now you’re gonna make me say why I do it? Why I do all of this?”

James didn’t answer. He’d retreated, Aleks thought, his face surprised- eyes wide, mouth just a little open but otherwise blank.

He didn’t answer and eventually Aleks just rubbed his temples and laid back down. Fuck vulnerable - there wasn’t much of Aleks that James hadn’t seen before, to be honest. Wasn’t really anything Aleks wouldn’t give him if James asked, and they both knew it. Even this, he would give, if James pushed.

Everything Aleks did to protect himself from James was inherently flawed - he’d already given away the key to any wall he could put up.

“Get some rest, Aleks.” James said quietly, moving to the door.

“You look like shit,” Aleks said back, “You need to sleep, too. Not on this fuckin’ couch.”

James didn’t answer, shutting the door behind him softly.

_Fuck_ , Aleks thought, and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes for a few seconds before he did his best to fall back to sleep and pretend that this whole conversation was just a very realistic, very  _never happened_  nightmare.


End file.
